Letting Go of Offense

Lately, God is really teaching me that in order to be strong in Him, I must be completely unoffendable.

What do I mean by unoffendable? Someone who cannot be hurt by the comments or actions of others. Someone who wakes up every morning with a forgiving heart - already letting go of anything anyone might say or do that could offend before the day even begins. A woman of God who lives and loves like Jesus Christ.  

Why is this so important? If we allow others to offend us, we are surrendering our control and our power. We are also not guarding our hearts. When we get offended, we are choosing to allow another person's words or actions to negatively influence our thoughts, attitude, perspective, joy, and ultimately, our life.  

Jesus died so that we can have peace with God. And through our peace with God, we can have peace with one another. God did not just desire reconciliation of ourselves and Himself, but also of reconciliation between ourselves and one another. Jesus makes reconciliation with God possible; reconciliation with God makes reconciliation with others possible.

Our belief in Christ restores our damaged relationship with God. Yet it doesn't stop there.

God doesn't just want us to be reconciled with Him, but to be reconciled with one another. To know God is to know love and love is not something that is just between us and God. For once you truly begin to start to understand how much God loves you, you cannot be so blinded to forget that the same God who loves you so extravagantly and unconditionally, also loves your neighbor that way. And your co-worker. And your family members. And every single person on this planet. 

Let that sink in. 

To enjoy God's love is to share His love. You cannot rest in His love and despise someone else. For if you do or think that you can, you know nothing of His love. Nothing. 

The love of God in Jesus compels us to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love our neighbors. How do we know that God loves us? Because Jesus died for us. And now that we believe that He died and rose again, we are enabled by the Holy Spirit to love God with all that we are and thus to live in His love. 

Once we experience God's love and love Him, we are compelled to look around and love those God has placed in our lives. For true love for God is loving others - those He has made in His image. When we truly follow Christ, we cannot hate someone that God Himself has created. It is impossible.

And furthermore, we cannot remain offended towards our neighbors.

Offense is the first step toward unforgiveness and unforgiveness is the first step toward hatred. It's a nasty cycle. So we must be vigilant to guard our hearts from any offense creeping in trying to defile us. 

That rude remark your co-worker made? 

As Elsa would say, let it go. (I am a preschool teacher). 

That driver that cut you off in traffic? 

Let it go. 

The insensitive thing your family member said? 

Let it go. 

Don't let little things blow up into big things. Offense starts out as a thought in our heart, like a tiny seed planted in the ground that just needs a little time to sprout into a poisonous weed. 

But maybe for you, the weeds are already there. I'm talking about unforgiveness. Are you still holding on to what someone did to you? Are you harboring a grudge toward anyone? Do you wish things had happened differently? Is there someone who you have told God you can never and will never forgive? 

If so, please let it go. I beg you. Unforgiveness will keep you from a beautiful life with Jesus. The devil will use it to rob, kill, and destroy from you. An unforgiving heart will prevent you from having an abundant life. It will be the reason why your dreams never come to fruition, why your plans never succeed, why you never experience healing from your brokenness. 

Jesus taught us that if we do not forgive, we cannot experience God's forgiveness. When you don't forgive, you are living in a state of being unforgiven by God. How scary! I would not want something someone did to me make me miss out on God's best for my life - His good, pleasing, and perfect will. 

That's why I let go of all offense as soon as it happens. Right away. Now. I don't want anything anyone does, says, or will do or say to keep me from my relationship with God and His will for my life. And I know you don't either. 

We are meant to live our lives with our eyes fixed on Jesus, looking to Him and marveling at His greatness and glory. Offense is so wicked because it makes us look at something else besides Jesus. And not just anything else but something evil. When we get offended, we are choosing to take our eyes off of our holy, wonderful, amazing, glorious Savior and look at someone else. And not just someone else, but the evil that they did to us.

As my preschoolers would say, "That's yucky." Offense is so yucky! It makes us spend more time thinking about the evil from our neighbor than the goodness of God. Friends, this is a great sin. We must not allow the enemy to use someone's actions or words to pull our gaze off of God. If we are going to be successful and victorious, we have to be smarter than that! 

I'm writing from personal experience, so please don't think I'm on some high horse. I know firsthand what I am sharing. Letting go of offense and becoming an unoffendable Christian is the key to not only living like Jesus, but loving like Him. 

When someone says something mean or does something hurtful, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we can love them and show them the grace of God. Instead of thinking of ourselves, we can see further and realize that maybe that person is hurting. After all, if someone is mean-spirited, do they really know the love of Jesus? Probably not. So the people that hurt us really need Jesus. If they truly knew Him, they would not hurt us!

Knowing this, we can respond to them with the unconditional love of God and remember that this is how God responded to us. While we were dead in our sins, God reached out to us and forgave us. He showed us unconditional love when we wanted nothing to do with Him. Though we nailed Him to the cross, Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them. They know not what they do." 

THIS is love. 

Others will know that we are Christians by our love. By how we overlook an offense and pursue peace with others no matter what. By how we show grace and mercy and don't write people off. By how we give others second chances. By how we live our lives like Jesus would. How we turn the other cheek, have compassion on the lost, forgive seventy times seven times. 

THIS is the love of Jesus. 

I pray that God would help us all live this way. 

To conclude, I want to also make the point that much of this relates to the fear of man. When you no longer are consumed with what other people think of you, you are free to be unoffendable. Their criticisms cannot touch your heart because you have already given up the idol of people-pleasing. You aren't prideful. You aren't defensive. You know that you live for an audience of One and you have nothing to prove to anyone. You live only to please your Heavenly Father. And He calls us to love Him and to love our neighbors. 

To live like this is to be free. To live this way is to experience the greatest joy. To live this way is to know God and reflect His love to this world. To fix your eyes on Jesus and walk in God's good, pleasing, and perfect will - not moved by anything or shaken by anyone. Fully rooted in His great love for you and expressing that to this world that God loves so much.

Listen to these words from 1 John. Let them sink into your heart: 

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.  1 John 4:7-12, NIV

Not Your Average Spring Break: What I've Learned About Fasting

Before I start this blog, I wanted to explain a phrase I use a lot. I often say that "following Jesus is worth it." When I say this, I don't mean that following Jesus is worth it solely because it brings blessings into my life, although that is very true. It's not what God gives me that makes it all worth it. It's who God is and knowing Him. I promise you, nothing is greater than this. 

Following Jesus is worth it because Jesus leads us along the pathway that causes our lives to glorify God and bless others. It's not about accumulating blessings or living a glamorous life. It's about forsaking your selfishness and your plans - abandoning it all to follow in the footsteps of the King of kings and the Lord of lords by the power of the Holy Spirit. Following Jesus is worth it because it's living life as God our Creator intended us to live - loving Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength AND loving our neighbor as ourselves. This is the BEST way to live this life God has given each of us.

And so it is worth it to follow Jesus because as we do, God makes us into the likeness of His Son and we live with the hope, forgiveness, peace, joy, and love that God designed for us to live in. We live free so that we can tell others about freedom in Christ. We live healed so we can tell others that God heals. We live with joy so that others can experience God's joy, too. God blesses us so that we can point others to Him, not just merely keep it all to ourselves. God gives to us so that we can give what we have received to others, all for His glory. 

The Gospel of Jesus Christ and the beauty of following Him is not something we could ever keep to ourselves or ever should. And there is nothing greater in life than living in relationship with Jesus and telling others about Him. Nothing greater! 

Back to the topic of this post: What I'm going to share right now has been on my heart for a long time. I pray that it blesses and encourages you wherever you are and whatever season of life you are in right now. 

God is so good! All the time, God is so good! My heart is overwhelmed by God’s goodness. He is so faithful!

I am constantly humbled by His goodness in my life. It’s humbling because while I often dream about what God has in store for my future and what He may have in front of me, even my greatest hopes pale in comparison to the reality of His overwhelming goodness in my life. Even my most extravagant imaginings of His goodness are so small. So small! 

Yet this doesn't mean that every season is easy. January this year was kind of a harder month of me. January is probably my least favorite month of the year. I love starting a new year and the expectation of everything God will do, but coming off of Christmas is hard for me. I’ve always gotten kind of sad each year when we have to take down the Christmas decorations and say goodbye to the holidays. (I really love Christmastime). And January can often be so dark. The days are still short, the sun doesn't shine all that often here in the Pacific Northwest, and worst of all, you can’t listen to Christmas music anymore. On top of this, in my heart, I felt God calling me to a fast that month.

So here I am fasting through one of the darkest times of the year. I don’t fast to earn brownie points with God or to sound super-spiritual. I have learned that while mysterious, God uses fasting to move powerfully in our lives. Jesus taught us to fast and that when we do, He will reward us (Matthew 6:18). Jesus also teaches that we shouldn't let others know when we are fasting, but keep it between ourselves and God. Fasting is between us and God; it's not for anyone else. I share all of this because God has changed my life through the spiritual discipline of fasting and I've learned this: Denying ourselves and humbling ourselves through fasting before God is so vitally important to our spiritual health. That's why I'm writing this post. I have to share what I have learned, not to glorify myself but Him. I pray in Jesus' name that what I share here blesses and inspires everyone who reads this. 

This time last year, I completed what is called a  "Daniel fast" (fruits and vegetables; no meat, sweets, or bread) while on spring break. Fasting during spring break – not exactly the plans I had in mine for my vacation time during my first year of teaching. But I knew in my heart that God was calling me to fast. So I fasted. I've learned to obey, even when I can't see all of the reasons why. God's ways are best. 

Again, I want to emphasize that I didn’t really understand what the purpose of it all was, but I knew God had commanded me to do so during that time, so I obeyed. Obeying God is always the best choice. You might not see why in the moment, but you will look back one day and understand. And that's exactly what happened here.

Months later, it all became clear. I say this with no hesitation: that fast from last April made it possible for me to start writing my book last July. What had always seemed impossible suddenly became possible. Again, I’ll say that a lot of it is mysterious. I don’t know everything about fasting, but as a follower of Christ, I know that God honors our obedience – following His Word without question – and our faith in Him – trusting in Him even when everything is not clear, and especially when it’s not clear. (I share more about this fast in my book). 

This past January, I again knew in my heart that God wanted me to fast. So I did. I had seen how God used that special time last April to prepare me to write my book and I knew that He was calling me to spend more time relying on Him through fasting.

It wasn’t easy this time; the gloomy weather and dark nights made it even more difficult as I was fasting. I constantly had to stay in the Word and encourage myself that God was at work even when it seemed like nothing was happening.

Side note: When it seems like nothing is happening in your life – if you believe in Jesus and are walking in obedience – this is often when God is doing the most. I promise you. It's often the darkest before dawn. We can’t see it all, but we don’t need to; we just need to trust that God is good, loving, and faithful. He will always see us through and His lovingkindness will always astound us! God calls us to walk by faith and not by sight. This isn't always fun, especially for people like me who like to plan ahead.

But I don't need to have control. I just need to surrender. God is in control. God can see my future, so I don't have to! And even more, God has taken care of all of my yesterdays, so there is no need to worry about tomorrow!

Listen to this: The day - I’m telling you - the exact day I broke my fast this winter – I saw God move in powerful ways. Something that I have been praying about for years, God solved in one week! Less than a week, really! A friend of mine who has always lived half-heartedly for God suddenly said enough was enough and they were going to finally trust God with all of their heart. They wanted to live for Jesus. They were sick of their compromise and living in disobedience and repented to God for everything they had done. Years! I had been praying for years for this friend and the day I finish my fast, my friend tells me that they are finally ready to surrender everything to God and live for Jesus. Praise the Lord! No one can tell me that my fast and that friend’s breakthrough are unrelated. I know that God was working during my time of self-denial and moving mountains while I prayed, fasted, and spent time with Him.

Seeing how God has drawn my friend back to Him is nothing small to me. It is absolutely amazing and I give God all of the glory, honor, and praise. I am in awe of God. God can reach any person no matter how impossible or how long you think it will take. Don’t stop praying and fasting for those you care about to return to the Lord! 

If that wasn’t enough, God outdid Himself again! Around this same time after my fast, I attended a conference and met some people who invited me to their church. I am now going to this church and attending their Bible Study for young adults. For a while now, I have been praying for God to lead me to the church He wanted me to join and to help me find a church community like this one. God has exceeded all of my expectations! I am so grateful for this church. In such a short amount of time, this church already has been such a blessing and encouragement to my life and I pray that God uses me to be a blessing and encouragement to everyone at this church. Praise God! Wow! 

Two things I had been praying for years about and after my fast – both, not just one, but both! – God answers both of these prayers within days of one another! Wow! Yes, there are still many dreams in my heart, many prayers I am waiting on, many things I am trusting God with, but I cannot help but be so thankful and grateful for all that God has done and is doing right now in this season of my life. His faithfulness is so perfect!

I write all of this because I want to encourage you. There might be some dark seasons, but God will shine His light soon enough. Don’t allow your heart to become discouraged; stay in faith and in God’s word and you will see the answers to your prayers. God’s timing, I tell you, is so perfectly perfect and His grace is overwhelming. He knows what you need when you need it. He is aware of all that concerns you, all the details of your life, every second of your days. He knows and He cares. God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that you could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20)! Just because you have to wait doesn’t mean that God is unaware or that He is not concerned. He is ALWAYS working and He uses our obedience, faith, prayer, and fasting to accomplish greater things than you can ever imagine in less time than you could ever expect.

 Two questions for you to end this post:

1.)    Is God calling you to fast right now?

I recommend Jentezen Franklin’s books about fasting. They really prepared my heart for my fasts. Plus, they opened my eyes to the importance of fasting and the absolute necessity. It’s not something that we should think of as optional, but essential as we follow Jesus. Pray and ask God if He wants you to fast from something right now and what that is. Maybe it could be a Daniel fast or fasting from social media. Ask God to guide you to the fast that He wants you to do and to give you wisdom. Don't worry if it's your first time fasting and you have a lot to learn. The Holy Spirit will guide you. God will always help you when you choose to obey Him - one of my favorite things about God! He always helps us follow Him! People have this idea that it's hard to follow Jesus. Yes, it's a narrow road, but we walk it with Him. And that's a billion times easier than walking the broad road without Jesus. Don't listen to the world; it's harder not to follow Jesus than it is to follow Him. Brokenness, sin, destruction, selfishness - those things all characterize a life without Christ. Jesus saves us from all that. Praise Him! 

2.)    Are you expecting anything from God right now?  

Have you been praying for years about something? Have you given up on someone or something because it seems too impossible or they seem too far gone? Have your mountains become bigger than your God? Fasting humbles us and reminds us of our total dependence on God. We are nothing without Him, yet in the day-to-day life, we can easily forget this and live out of our own strength. Have you been living in your own abilities and forgotten to turn to God for help, wisdom, strength, and everything you need? Do you expect God to do the miraculous in your life or have you just settled for an ordinary life? Are the dreams for your life actually really small and ones which you don’t have to rely on God to achieve? If they are, I can guaranteed that God wants to stretch you to believe Him for more than just getting by. He always dreams bigger dreams for us than we do and His dreams are the best. Do you need to surrender your little dreams to God and ask Him to fill your heart with the faith and fill your life with the power of the Holy Spirit so that you can achieve His dreams for your life? Dreams that will glorify Him greatly and bless others abundantly; dreams that allow you to know Jesus intimately.  

I promise you, you won’t regret saying yes to God. Yes, it will mean that you don’t have control and you don’t always know what’s coming next or what God is going to do or where He is going to lead you.

But life is an adventure! It’s not meant to be lived safely or timidly. God doesn’t call us to easy goals, but ones that require that we depend on Him with all that we are so that He gets all of the glory. Everything I have achieved, anything good or beautiful in my life is all because of Jesus Christ. And I am so aware of it. To pretend otherwise would be completely and utterly ridiculous. To God alone be all of the glory. 

Living this way requires radical faith in God, but it is worth it. I promise you. This is how we are all meant to live.  

God doesn’t just want you to say a prayer to Him so you are saved and go to heaven one day. Jesus died, was buried, and rose again so that we could have much more than that - abundant life here on earth! We don’t have to struggle through this life in our own strength and wisdom, barely getting by and striving for little dreams. God wants to tell an amazing story with your life. One of unshakable faith, uncompromising character, and His great glory.

Will you let Him?

I just completed another fast this month. Who knows what God has in store? I’m not sure, but I know that He is moving more mountains! And my expectations are higher than they’ve ever been. God has shown me His power and might in bigger ways than I have ever seen. But I know that this is just the beginning. And I know this for sure: I expect God to continue to surprise me with His greatness again and again for the rest of my life. And I don’t ever want to get used to it. I always want to be in awe of Him and never put any limits on what He can do.  

I have my dreams, I have my plans, I have my goals – God will surpass them all. And that's awesome. 

I am excited to see the good things God will do in my life and in yours! 

"O Sovereign LORD! You made the heavens and the earth by Your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you!" -Jeremiah 32:17, NLT

What I Hope My Future Husband Sees When He Looks at Me

Looking over the stats on my blog posts from last month, my Valentine's Day post about my prayer for my future husband was by far the most popular post of the month. And of all the posts I have written on this blog yet. Seems like a lot of people are interested in this topic, which is why I included the words "future husband" in this blog post. :) 

Well, I would like to know who he is right about now. For a very important reason: despite being single this Valentine's Day, I got more candy and chocolate and dessert than I know what to do with. (And I'm grateful for the love for this single girl!) But it's March 7th and I still have so much left. It's ridiculous. I need a boyfriend to help me eat it all!  

Anyway, my surplus of dark chocolate and cake is not the message of this post. I want to share a little about what I hope my future husband sees when he looks at me and why that matters. Here goes: 

In today's culture, a major focus for young women is to try to be as beautiful as possible. Then, the challenge becomes staying as young and beautiful for as long as possible. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us to have perfect skin, hair, teeth, nails, and clothes - and all the products which will finally make us beautiful, which will then finally make us worthy. 

I don't think these messages are inherently bad, but certainly play on our emotions, making us feel insecure or inadequate. I'm not against nice things and looking our best. I love getting dressed up and one of my favorite things to do each week is getting my nails done.

I like to look my best because I want to represent Christ well, represent myself well, and reflect the beauty God has put inside of me on the outside - in my clothing, my make-up, my eyes, my smile, the way I carry myself. 

Yet I think a lot of times, we can put too much emphasize on our outer beauty, which is never as important as our inner beauty. We often spend so much time on our outer appearance, but what about our heart? 

Jesus spoke a lot about the condition of our hearts. He taught that everything we do - whether good or evil- comes from our hearts. Jesus spent a lot of time addressing the heart because the state of our hearts determines the fruit our lives will bear - the ultimate legacy of our existence. 

I don't know about you, but I want to leave more than a pretty face in a photograph for my great-great grandkids to see one day. I don't want to be just remembered as a woman who dressed beautifully or fashionably, but as woman of God who served Christ, followed Him, and dedicated her life to becoming more like Him through the power of His Holy Spirit. I don't want to be remembered just for my external qualities, but for my hopes, dreams, character, compassion, and most of all - my love for God and for people.

Right now, I'm at the age when people really start getting serious about relationships and commitment, marriage and forever. It's interesting because I've always imagined I would one day be here, but it seems like it arrived all of a sudden. (Wasn't I just 16? Wait, that was ten years ago!) Friends are getting married (many from college already have) and having babies and I'm starting to realize that I'm closer to marriage and motherhood than I ever have been in my life.  

It's exciting and everything for sure, but as well-meaning friends and family give me advice for how to meet the right guy, I can't help but pray with all of my heart he doesn't see just a pretty face, but the beauty in my heart. I don't just want to attract my future husband with how I look, but with who I am. I want him to think that I am beautiful, stunning, gorgeous...but if that's what truly captivates him about me, I'm in trouble. 

Because if I win him with my looks, I'll have to keep him with my looks. And there's always going to be someone else younger, prettier, and more beautiful than me. (Fact of life). So if that's the basis for our attraction, that's really shallow soil for a relationship to grow.

(And it goes both ways by the way - I don't just want to like how he looks on the outside, but who he is on the inside.)

What do I hope my future husband sees when he looks at me? I pray that he is captivated by my beauty within - the beauty of Jesus Christ's life inside of me. That he sees the love of God in me and is drawn to the totality of who I am - my appearance, my personality, my faith in God, my hopes and dreams altogether - the best soil for our marriage to grow and flourish. 

A lot of my friends talk about meeting Mr. Future Husband and we try to keep each us other accountable. We ask each other questions like, What are you using to get his attention? Are you using your looks or allowing him to see into your heart? Are you drawing him closer to yourself or inspiring him to draw closer and closer to God? What will last? What brings the most glory to God? 

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30, NIV

I love how this verse from Proverbs 31 is so honest. It doesn't hold anything back: #1: Charm is deceptive and #2 Beauty is fleeting. Winning someone else's heart through charm is like ensnaring them - it's deception. It's presenting one image, but not the complete picture. It's false because it's not all true. Beauty - outer beauty - is not something that lasts. No moisturizer or foundation can make a 20-year-old look the same way until she is 80. The beauty we see on fashion magazines today is gone tomorrow; it doesn't last forever. (So why do we act like it will?)

But what's hopeful about all of this is that when we fear the Lord, we will be praised. Not for our personality or our beauty, but because we obey and honor the Lord. This should be the reason why people praise us and compliment us - not just on our sparkly manicure or nice hairstyle or cute shoes - but because we are living set apart for the Lord. That's what should get people's attention. 

As women following Jesus Christ, we have an incredible opportunity to show this world what true beauty looks like - not what everyone sees on People magazine, but the truest beauty of all - a life completely surrendered to Jesus. A beauty that doesn't need to show everything and values modesty. A beauty from the inside out - which doesn't neglect either - but puts greatest emphasis on the heart. A beauty that glorifies God through purity and gentleness and kindness. A beauty that makes this world see the light of Christ and the love of God. A beauty that inspires others to know God and follow Jesus. 

The more I walk with Christ, the more He makes me beautiful - both inside and out. He has made me beautiful and any beauty I have is from Him. 

I pray that this is what my future husband sees when he looks at me.